Brain of Jay





During the cloudy times of my past where I was abusing alcohol and prescription drugs, there were several moments I do not recall nor even cared about. I was reckless, ruthless, and dangerous to both society and myself. My demonic thoughts and actions could have cost a life, even my life. However, in some weird way, the world was always on my side and let me get away with the most disgusting, inconsiderate, harmful, and devaluing actions. I will not get into details, but I truly know the actions I have done in my past would put me in hell –but in all honesty, I guess I was living in hell already.

crucial aspects

The Accident

Winter 2001, one morning after an all-night drinking/drug bender, I decided to drive to school and attend my cosmetology classroom. Clearly I was still intoxicated; while driving up Belleville Avenue blasting my N’SYNC – Circus CD (yeah real tough guy huh?) in my 1993 Honda Civic. Even though the drive to school was short, I was running late and felt a sudden urge to step on the gas pedal. Suddenly, as I am speeding up the street in a daze deeper than a fat kid looking through a window of a closed pastry store; recklessly driving with my eyes wide shut—BAM!—I snap out of the daze from the collision of my face meeting the windshield. I quickly touch my forehead to feel the trickle of blood that extracted my lifelessness. The deep-red finger paint pressed against my steering wheel and colored the realization of what had just occurred. I quickly pull down the driver side mirror to see my invisible reflection and, just as I figured, the mirror was empty–just like my soul. I hop out of the car screaming as if Godzilla had just entered town to see a three-car pileup in Rampage. I began breathing fire into the air to bluff the other drivers to stay in their car. Minor injuries, but some major car damage; my first instinct was to drive away but instantly I knew my car was totaled, it was squished like recycled soda cans but the insurance covered that so I did not care. Coincidentally, one of the cars involved in the accident happened to be my teenage graffiti buddy, Dante Pastrana, who was part of a little “gang” we created circa 1996 called NGK (Notorious Graffiti Kings). Since we were old pals we had a mutual respect for one another and decided to take care of the damage on our own terms and in a way that was beneficial for us both.

“Yo Jay, are you okay? Dante asked

“Yeah. I’m fine just a little blood, I must have fallen asleep.” slowly coming back down to earth from our conversation, talking with him started to calm me down.

“Damn dude, that’s sucks. It’s only my bumper that fell off so let’s take care of this on our own, plus I’m running late”

“Yeah man, that’s cool. Thanks Dante I’ll check you later.” we made a hand shaking deal to work together but I secretly had my fingers crossed behind my back. He gets into his car and drove away without a problem–at least not yet.

I then attempted to run away but it was no use because the cops had already arrived. Long story short, in some weird way again, the world somehow let me get away with driving while intoxicated and creating a three-car pileup that injured people at a highly trafficked intersection. How? No idea.

A week later, Dante and his father ring my doorbell.

“Hey Jay, here is the bill to our car damage. It was only the bumper so it really wasn’t expensive. . . .” they proceeded to discuss details of the accident; their words started to phase out as I stare at their mouth and eventually could hear no words. I was obviously drunk. I felt like I was talking to Snoopy from Charlie Brown. After they were done waaa wawaaaa waaa’ing. . .

“. . .what accident?” I firmly neglected the fact that I was present at the accident and had no idea what they were talking about.

“Are you kidding me Jay? Remember you told me you fell asleep!” Dante was beginning to get furious with me.

“I don’t know what your talking about.” The lies slurred out of my shit talker in the devious hopes of not having to pay him. Things didn’t go over so smooth, but at that time I didn’t care.

I was nothing but a lifeless asshole.

My Realization

I’ve realized that I have done plenty of terrible things in my life and the accumulation of menace activities are countless. I know that it probably would take a lifetime and a half to make up for all the things I have done, but in 2007 I decided I would spend the rest of my life trying to change for the positive. I decided I need to make a difference in myself and others, to try to help enhance other people and live the positive lifestyle they deserve, and to uplift everyone’s spirits, including my own, to live to in abundance, positivity, and happiness. I decided I would help myself change so that everyone around me could also change for the better and to serve a purpose in the world by helping myself. In return, others would serve their purpose. Mine, theirs, and our purpose, as people, is to just live.

Brighter Days of Summer 2014

14 years later (yes I skipped about a decade and change but we could be here forever) I decided to write a book. As I began writing this book, the strangest things began to happen. Before, I would feel lucky that the world somehow wanted to work with me , but now, I felt as if the world was responding to my emotions on purpose. I felt more in touch with myself than ever. I became extremely intuitive with my surroundings to the point where my subconscious thoughts became things at an instant. I would see endless signs, and highly aware of what they meant to my life; freaky things would happen so often that it just became my everyday life. As I began to enhance this intuitive skill and energy level, I began to take advantage of situations that would create positive and uplifting moments. One day, my brother (Pete Isip) and I began to discuss one of the chapters in my book: Money. We discussed the evils and enhancements money can bring in and bring out. How it could enhance your life and others as well as diminish your value in the world. I explained to him. . .

“. . .there is no good or bad money, there’s just money. It is what you do with your money, after its earned, that determines if it is good or evil. When the money is in your hands, do you enhance yourself for the positive or do you live in gluttony? Do we use it to help others live better or do we use it to poison ourselves and others. Do we use it through love or lust? Who have we helped with it? How have we helped ourselves? It’s what we do with the money after we achieved the financial goal which make it good or bad…”


Shortly after our discussion, I instinctively go on Facebook (as we all do) and begin to aimlessly scroll through the hypnotic media. I then see on the newsfeed a post by Phase Izdaname: “Please help Dante Pastrana with his Alternative Cancer Treatment”. I curiously click on the GoFundMe link and read Dante’s story. The feeling was indescribable. I felt as if the spiritual connection I had with myself and the world just expanded to Dante and his world. Now, up until that moment I had not talked to him since 2001 due to the terms we left on. I may have seen him once or twice but we never spoke. Directly after reading his story, a light bulb went off in my mind, “After money is earned, who have we helped?” As per my conversation with my brother, I looked up into the sky and said to myself, “The world is testing me to practice what I preached.” Without hesitation, I donated to help Dante with his alternative treatment. Aside from the fact that I completely agree with alternative and natural healing treatment, I truly believed this was my chance to do something positive and enhance the life of another (In all honesty I would rather help those who I personally know than donate to some bullshit foundation who takes a percentage.) Once I clicked the donate button, I felt the vibrating winds of happiness brush through my hair follicles like a dog sticking his head out of the car window. This was not just pure happiness and pure energy,this feeling was something special.

Seven minutes later, I received an email notification from Dante Pastrana’s GoFundMe account:


His message brought tears of joy to my eyes and fell down my face like the Niagra Falls. I have never experienced an emotion to sting me so hard from such a simple task. It was an incredible and powerful moment and the story would only get better.

Later that evening, I went on my first date with my current girlfriend, Alyssa, to the Meadowlands fair. The entire day I was in such awe and happiness and felt an intense energy of positivity flowing freely through me. Now, while this was my first date with Alyssa, it was also my attempt at facing one of my fears, carnival rides. Yes, I was 32-years old and still scared shit of carnival rides, go ahead and judge me. We went on every twisting, turning, and falling ride to the point where I was puking after each and every single one–no kidding. The fear was over and I felt like a million bucks even though there were shish-kabob particles resting on my chin. Nothing could stop me. I walked up to the basketball stand and SWISH! My first shot and I won Alyssa a large stuffed Karate Gumby. Next stand, POP! I popped all the balloons with one dart and win myself a Money Monkey. It was turning into a grand old time–everything was just flowing.

Shortly after, we had to the bathroom. I urinate, shake, and wash my face with the contaminated waters of NJ, despite all the dirt, I look into the mirror above the sink and could finally see my reflection. I stared deeply into my reflections eyes and proudly responded, “Yes, I AM here.”

I floated out of the bathroom in high spirits and tipped the attendant a nice, crisp $20. Naturally, Alyssa looked at me like I had five heads.

“Did you just put a twenty-dollar bill in there?”

“Yeah, it’s cool, I’m feeling great right now.”so I explained to her my views on “good money and bad money” and the discussion I had with my brother. I decided to then share with her my story with Dante and how it made me feel great inside to do something so pure and genuine. I somehow found the words to share the indescribable feeling of helping someone to live another day.

As I am telling her the details, I felt a hand grab my shoulder with an array elegance. I turn around and guess who?

“Hey Jay. . .” his voice sounded like angels singing in the heavens “I just wanted to say thank you”

I immediately jumped in for a hug and began to cry again with pure happiness. I was speechless, in pure essence of what living life was about. It was an uplifting spiritual connection that only Dante and I knew what this bliss has meant to us.

“You gave me hope Jay, may God bless you and you family.”

“No problem my man. I owe you anyway!” we both started to giggle a bit because we both knew I was relating to the car accident.


At that moment, I realized what my purpose in the world was, and what I believe is our purpose as people: To help each other grow. To help one another enhance the lifestyle we wish to have. To live another day and breathe the fresh oxygen this earth produces. To enjoy each present moment and to always be grateful of what we have in front of us. We are here to live to the best of our ability and help others live to their best as well. I now know my purpose in life, and part of my purpose is to help Dante Pastrana live each day in happiness.


 I got your back my brother, I will do everything in my power to enhance your life. The world is yours.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Unfortunately, things did not pan out the way as planned. I can’t even make this up:

This story was the chosen story for my blog today and just as I finished writing, I received a phone call from Dante’s sister, Yasmila.

“Jay, I stopped at your barbershop earlier but you weren’t there so I figured I would call you. . .” I could hear the trembles in her voice, already I knew what she was going to say next, “Dante, is no longer with us” she became hysterical and almost to the point of hyperventilating, immediately, I began to cry as well and shared the emptiness feeling that drained her from this terrible incident.

“I’m so sorry. . .” there was really nothing for me to say, our moment of silence together was the only option.

“I’ll give you details on the services when I have them, my family thanks you Jay, you gave him hope.” her words made me pant like a two month old baby looking for breastfeed. I stepped outside to breathe in some fresh air, and help calm myself.

What’s Life?

The importance is that even though he is no longer with us physically, Dante is still here in spirit. We shared a special connection together and the time spent with him was further enhancing for oneself than any other moment I have encountered in life. He is the reason for what makes me inspired to live life. Every time I saw him, he was always smiling and enjoyed life beyond its expectation, despite the circumstances he was under. Despite what the world had put in front of him, Dante still enjoyed the journey. He is the reason why we, as human beings, should all love one another regardless of the scenario. He is the reason why we should ALL help each other grow, flow, and uplift our spirits together as people so that we may enhance the life the world has given us. We must ALL work together in positive spirits in order to live, laugh, and love as people.

We seem to have been spoiled with the “things” in life has to offer, and overlooked what life truly has to offer, Life…..

He may not of realized how much he has changed my life after these moments. His presents, family, and energy alone have brought my soul into another paradigm. A paradigm I never knew existed, and now I am truly grateful for the energy, mind, body, and soul he has changed inside of me. It is sad to say he is no longer with us, but instead of mourning in his death, I will celebrate his life for as long as I live…

When it comes down to it, the only guarantee we all share is that we all die. What are you going to leave behind in this world for the physical world to remember? With Dante Pastrana, he showed the world that even during the hard times, there is always time for a smile and to live in happiness. Thank you for inspiring me my brother. No matter what, I am still and will always be connected to you my brother. I know you are off into a better place and I will live through your positive, happy, and uplifting spirits each and every day.

You are the guardian angel that I have been looking for my entire life–I love you. . .


Author Bio of Jerome “Jay” Isip

About Jay Isip

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